bleak awakenings

it's raining again ... the weather seems to go with how I feel ... It was raining steadily when I left the house... I have loved the rain as far as I could remember, I would stare at it while inside the house when I was younger ... my grandmother doesn't want me to get wet in the rain because I was thin and sickly ... the rain was for me freedom ... the first chance I got to run and jump in the rain, I took it ... it was invigorating ... i felt I was free ... from the house where i was cooped in ... from the corner that I'd usually stay in ... growing up, I had to stay in my grandmother's house ... and because of that, I had to live under her rules ... and playing in the rain was big no-no ... after getting caught ... my feet were mashed with a mallet ... probably not that hard .. but for a 7 year old, it was the hardest - emotionally and physically ... i had no freedom ... no chance to experience the outside world ... all because my mom's not there ... my dad had other things to do ... (they had their own issues and back then, I thought I was the least of their priorities)and I was all alone ... growing up ... every time I see rain ... I feel comforted .. it's like the sky crying for me ... washing away my sadness ... I would extend my hand into the rain and feel the droplets on my skin ... I never ran in the rain ever again after feet were pounded ... until I reached college ... where I did whatever I wanted ... I was walking to the other side of campus from my building when it started to rain ... I froze as I started getting wet ... my uniform started to get drenched in the rain ... then it hit me ... I'm free ... free from everyone who wanted to control my life ... who wanted me to do what they think was right for me ... tears began to fall ... but because of the rain ... nobody noticed ... it as if it were telling me that it's ok ... everything will be alright ... something I never heard from anyone ... and because I was all wet, no one noticed ... and I threw all my cares away ... I walked slowly and cried hard ... and because of the rain ... everything seems to be alright ... no judgements ... no pity ... no nothing ... every time I see the rain ... I know God is touching my heart ... embracing me and telling me that everything is going to be alright ...

... I was about to go down to leave when my mom volunteered to bring me out with an umbrella (she knows i don't like carrying one because it's something that I used to forget)... she also wants to go out to go to the store ... while on our way to where I'd usually get a cab, I noticed her walking slowly while talking to me ... I asked her why and she said that she loves the feel of the rain pouring ... she likes the weather and she's taking her time to take it all in ... I smiled and I realized that we're not that different after all ...